The House of Mumbi operates on a unique set of rules, and for Kikuyu middle-class men, the signs of success are, well, a bit unconventional. Here are some of their distinct mannerisms:
1. Kiama
Every middle-class Kikuyu man is part of some Kiama (men’s group). Most are hubs for cultural “re socialization” and political discussions. The rest? Top secret. I belong to one, and trust me, we have strict rules.
2. The Farming Project
It’s a rite of passage to have a “farm” in some distant place like Ng’arua (for Nyeri men), Loc 20 (Murang’a men), or Ndeiya (Kiambu men). These farms are the perfect excuse for road trips with the boys, much to the dismay of their wives, who are left running the family business solo.
3. The Bikafu (Pickup)
A middle-class Kikuyu man’s prized possession is his pickup – doesn’t matter if it’s brand new or straight out of a 80s showroom. As long as it’s running, it’s gold. For those who can’t get their hands on a pickup, the infamous Toyota Noah will suffice, no matter how “unique” it looks.
4. The Accent That Never Changes
While other Kenyans might try hard to polish their accents, a Kikuyu middle-class man holds onto his thick Murang’a or Nyeri twang like it’s a family heirloom. No matter how high he climbs socially, lorry will always be “rori”.
5. Mgeni wa Heshima
Middle-class Kikuyu men eventually get roped into being guest of honor at harambees, school fundraisers, and church events. These invites? Usually orchestrated by moms and aunties back in the village who are just showing off their city boy.
6. Leather Jacket and Stetson Combo
This is the ultimate weekend uniform for attending ruracios, weddings, and harambees. The look isn’t complete without a toothpick artistically dangling from the corner of his mouth. Which is a subtle way of saying-I can buy myself choma!
7. Nashoro Diet
Forget pizzas and broccoli! The Kikuyu middle-class man sticks to traditional delicacies – yams, arrowroots, terere, and boilo (boiled meat). This explains why places like Kijana Msafi Hotel on River Road have a steady stream of wealthy patrons with humble diets.
8. The Business Trips
Most middle-class Kikuyu men are hustlers, with frequent trips to Uganda, Turkey, Dubai, and ‘Shaina’ (China). The wives? They stay behind to guard the hardware shops from sticky-fingered employees.
9. Honorific Titles
You won’t hear them calling each other by their first names. Oh no. It’s always Chairman, Munene (senior), Mheshimiwa, or Mutongoria (leader). Every son of Mumbi is titled,as long as he has the mullah.
10. Smart Casual Vibes
Suits? Nah. Middle-class Kikuyu men are all about smart casual. It’s versatile – perfect for transitioning from a serious business meeting in Upper Nairobi to running errands at a spare parts shop on River Road. And when night falls, they throw on a Stetson for a mugithi night or album launch at Bluesprings Hotel.
11. Homely Haunts
These men don’t waste time at places like Java or KFC, eating overpriced chicken that tastes like boiled wood. They frequent joints where everyone knows each other, and meals like tumbukiza are served piping hot by mamas who greet them thus:
“Wee Njoroge wa spares,niwandeire!”(Njoroge of spares, how about a ride in that shiny pickup of yours?)
12. Middle-Class Understatements
Humble bragging is an art form. “Niko na kamzigo nangoja kutoka Shaina” – turns out it’s five shipping containers of electronics that could power a small town. Or, “Kuna kagari nanunua kamekuja na stress.” That “kagari” is a KSh 20 million prime mover. Understatement is just part of the middle-class life.
Welcome to the world of Kikuyu middle-class men, where subtlety is king, and the Stetson reigns supreme!
