Anytime a man goes over the cliff and takes his life, we generally agree that stress is a national pandemic. We react to this by stock comments like ‘mental sickness is real’ in social media then swiftly move on with our lives.
Others ask men to talk, open up, or even cry.Sometime back I saw a lady recommending men to go for manicure as a way of coping with stress.
Fight or Flight
Whereas such advice from our sisters is well intended, it is blind to the fact that the way we handle stress in gendered. During prolonged stress, men use the ‘fight or flight’ mechanism. Women on the other hand use ‘treat or nurture’ mechanism.
By applying the “fight” reaction, men can respond to stress with a high level of practicality. On the other hand, women are well equipped to share, relieve loneliness and offer support during times of distress.
Unique Men’s Needs
As we talk about stress, each gender must understand and respect the unique needs of the other. For example, women should honour the “fleeing” man’s need for silence, while men should respect the woman’s need for embrace and physical touch.
Unfortunately, the ‘flight or fight’ mechanism can manifest itself in several dangerous ways for us men. Such include engaging in risky(sexual) behaviour, aggression, shutting down etc. On the flip side, there are constructive ways of channeling the ‘flight or fight’ mechanism. Which can include:
1.Engaging in sports. This sucks the bottled up emotions and helps a man solve a problem as he enjoys what he does.
2.Having friends to talk with. Hanging at the estate base with the ‘boys’ is not that bad at all.
3.Half full glass attitude-looking at life from the sunny side.
4.Regular exercise. This can include a walk around the hood, jogging or a game of draughts.
5.Taking up an engaging hobby that one takes pride in. Which can include growing rare medicinal shrubs(this works for me), strumming an old box guitar, experimental grafting, repairing old electronic devices etc.
6.Talking about one’s problems with a confidant- but not to everybody since this can leave one vulnerable.
7.Avoiding situations that will aggravate one’s situation. Like the company of friends who will disappear home for a whole weekend. Escape is very alluring when one is stressed.
8.Rewarding oneself when you achieve a milestone. It can be with a book, the mbuzi that you will eat for Christmas, a gadget that will keep one engaged-anything that boosts a man’s ego.
There you are brothers-go for what works for you.
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